Roundtable Topic: Surviving the first month

Q: What are some tips/hacks for surviving the first month or so with a newborn?

Hannah:

Brush. Your. Teeth. It’s such a small thing but it goes so far to make you feel like a real human. When it’s 4pm and you haven’t hardly moved and you don’t remember the last time you changed clothes, you can tell yourself, “at least I brushed my teeth.”
Keep lip balm, a water bottle, and a phone charger everywhere. Nursery, bedroom, living room, car….everywhere.
Load up on snacks you can grab and eat with one hand.
Ask for and accept help, especially in the form of meals. If people want something specific to do, don’t be shy; tell them things that will actually help you.
Don’t be afraid to say no to things that are going to stress you out, like having visitors or going places before you’re ready. If you can, recruit your partner to be the gatekeeper and help set your boundaries.
Invest in a good robe, especially if you’re breastfeeding.

Liz: What they didn’t tell me was that after that 23 hour labor I’d go right into being a mom who was up every 3 hours breastfeeding and recovering from labor trauma. Allow yourself to be emotional and take the help. Give yourself grace and remember that you are new at this and so is your baby. My husband gave me a funny but helpful piece of advice, “A crying baby is a breathing baby.” Those first few nights were brutal but I remember a teacher/ mom telling me to enjoy the night feeds with your baby. At the time I thought she was crazy but now I get it. Allow yourself to be present in those quiet moments where it’s just you and your baby. They are magical.

Meira:

First of all, just know that everything will feel confusing and overwhelming at first, but that it will get a little better every single day as you trial-and-error and figure stuff out. As long as you’re keeping yourself and baby alive, you’re doing great!
Be prepared to snack constantly as your milk supply grows. I put a whole bunch of snacks on the bedside table to grab from. My faves were greek yogurt, chia pudding, yogurt covered almonds, Perfect Bars, and random “lactation snacks” I found at grocery stores. Aim to consume as much protein and water as you can.
Walmart has a free month-long trial subscription to their Walmart Plus, which comes with unlimited free deliveries. This is clutch for that first month, because you can order something you randomly think about during a 4am feeding, and have it show up at your doorstep at 9am. All you pay for are the items (which are NOT upcharged) and your choice of a tip for the delivery driver. Totally worth it for how much it saves you from having to leave your house to run errands in that first month. You can also do curbside pick-up orders if you prefer, which still saves a bunch of time.
I’m sure there are other apps that do this, but I found the Reminders app on the iPhone to be super helpful. You can create to-do lists and share the file with anyone else so they can also add tasks or check things off. I used the sections feature to create a to-do list for me, a to-do list for my partner, a list of questions for the pediatrician, a list of items to buy, etc. Having it all in one place where we could both edit it was super helpful since if I don’t write things down immediately, it’ll be gone forever into the void of brain mush.
Having my own morning ritual helped provide some sanity and structure to the day. Knowing that as soon as I woke up, I could feed the baby, hand him off to my partner, and then spend 30ish minutes putting on music and shutting out the world as I shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, etc, whatever it takes to feel human again. Having some self-care time to yourself where you don’t have to think about your baby is soooo important for parents!!
I really benefited from writing and posting a list of positive affirmations next to wherever I was doing the most breastfeeding. For me, this was the wall next to my bed. In the middle of the night when I’m feeling tired and frustrated and have my hands full of a screaming baby, it was really nice to glance over and read some of the affirmations to myself, like reminders that I’ve got this, and to drink water, some lyrics from a song that makes me happy, etc. I looked online for ideas and just wrote down the ones that resonated.
There are many apps out there that help with timing breastfeeding. I personally like Huckleberry, which allows you to easily track which breast side you’re feeding/pumping from. They have a widget for your home screen that makes it even easier to start tracking your feeding session and to see when baby last fed.

Preston:

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t feel guilty for letting others help you.
Ask for a meal train after birth!!
I used Moms on Call to help with a schedule (if that’s your jam).

Shaina: Ah! I’m so far removed from this… The only thing I can remember is the importance I placed on making sure that I was present for the baby, without frustration, because it was her entire life and such a fleeting moment for me. That first month feels long and hard, but it goes by unbelievably fast. And it doesn’t slow down. Not even 7 years later.

Shelby: Man, those first few weeks are just wild. I had my partner read “Happiest Baby on the Block” and he became the Soothing King. I breastfed so I was the one who had her most of the time during all the cluster feeding but when she started fussing and she didn’t want the boob, he took over. I can’t imagine it being any other way. I did all the nighttime feeds so it was essential because you are just so tired at that point. And now, for better or worse, he calms her best even a year out. We went on a lot of evening walks during that witching hour. We bounced on the yoga ball and played a lot of Khruangbin. That fussy period, for us, started getting way better around 8 weeks or so.

V: Parenting blogs and websites may have helpful information but they exist to target desperate parents and sell them stuff they don’t need. Just because the Snoo/whatever program worked for someone doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed to work for you. Same with advice and expectations- there’s no set magical time when things “should “ happen, just power through the suck and surround yourself with support. Ask for help, ain’t no shame. Also, if anyone asks you if you want a Meal Train, the answer is yes.

Baby Beta